My Heart My Home

Beginning This Friday - A Good Laugh

I have a sign in my living room that says, "A Good Laugh is Sunshine in a House".

There was a time a few years ago when I wasn't sure I would ever laugh again. It had been months since I had even been happy enough to smile. My family was traveling a financial path that I was sure would lead to the loss of everything we had ever owned. I envisioned a home under a bridge somewhere. In reality, we have lost much of everything we have ever owned, but not everything. Our financial security at this point is non-existent. Our retirement savings is gone. Our present home is half the size of our previous one, yet we still have 5 people living under our small roof. My husband is self-employed and we are dependent on God for our "daily" bread. We're not young with a lot of time to regroup and recoup. Yet...somehow...it's a good place to be.

Shortly before "the big layoff of 2002", I had decided I needed a Scripture Goal. I came up with Paul's words, "I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content" (Philippians 4:11 ESV) Little did I know at the time, I was about to be tested in that goal. I have no doubts that the desire for it was laid on me by the Holy Spirit. I had never had a Scripture Goal in my life until that time. It was God's timing.

Over the past 8 years, I have been depressed to the point where I wanted God to just take me on home. I knew he could take care of my family while they were still here without me. I have had anxiety attacks where I clutched my Bible close to my chest just to make it through the night. I dreaded and feared the darkness. I have had moments where I thought God had just left us, completely left us. But I have also walked through those dark, dark days back into beautiful light. Although I still have my moments (trust me, I still have my moments), for the most part, I walk through my days in peace, confident in the fact that the only way we will survive and conquer this day-to-day path is to rest, fully rest, in Him alone.

I noticed one day that I had begun laughing again. It was a gradual ascent from darkness and I hadn't noticed that my mood was getting lighter and my stressed emotions were becoming calmer. The situation wasn't changing. We were still traveling the same dark road with no knowledge from one day to the next where our funds for living were going to come from. But...I was learning to trust. To be content.

The road is still wearying. We are still very tired. After 8 years, our situation has not changed. We are still walking daily not knowing how the funds will last through the end of the month. But in the midst of struggle and uncertainty, I am learning to rest.

We don't realize how beautiful the Gift of Laughter is until we have lived without it for an extended period of time and it comes back to us. I thank God for this beautiful gift every time I find myself laughing with friends or family.

I am going to begin, each Friday, listing moments throughout my week that have brought a smile to my face or caused me to laugh. I will add a MckLinky (hopefully I can figure it out!) so you can write about your moments of laughter throughout the week on your blog and link it up with mine. I would love to get some new wonderful friendships going!

So start recording your happy moments. And come back on Friday to join me in listing them here!

This post linked to:

Works For Me Wednesday at We Are THAT Family

Tuesday Tastiness #15 - A Word from God

Today will be an unusual Tuesday Tastiness. We are going to Taste and See that the Lord is GOOD!

I want to encourage you today with an entry from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It is a wonderful devotional that I love to read and gain beautiful encouragement from. It is written as if God is speaking directly to the reader. Although I got to spend an enjoyable hour and a half or so today in the car with a good friend, my nerves have been on edge and feel a bit frayed this evening. As I was reading through the devotional to catch up on a few entries to help calm those frayed nerves, I came across the February 27 entry that says:

Keep your eyes on Me! Waves of adversity are washing over you, and you feel tempted to give up. As your circumstances consume more and more of your attention, you are losing sight of Me. Yet I am with you always, holding you by your right hand. I am fully aware of your situation, and I will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able to bear.

Your gravest danger is worrying about tomorrow. If you try to carry tomorrow's burdens today, you will stagger under the load and eventually fall flat. You must discipline yourself to live within the boundaries of today. It is in the present moment that I walk close to you, helping you carry your burdens. Keep your focus on My Presence in the present.

Isn't that just awesome!!!! It has really helped me put circumstances back into proper focus and place my attention on the Source tonight. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you.

This post linked to:

Works For Me Wednesday at Rocks in My Dryer

Finding Joy in the Christmas Season

For many people, Christmas is their favorite time of year. It pleases all five of the senses - the sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and many new things to hold and touch.

But when the main focus for the season is the "many new things to hold and touch", Christmas joy can be replaced by sadness and depression and anxiety when funds are limited or even non-existent for exchanging gifts. The gift-giving ritual of Christmas has become paramount. The other enjoyments of the holiday season seem to be secondary.

It has been said that when one of the senses is lost, others heighten and make up for the loss. For instance, a blind person has increased ability to rely on hearing and touch more so than those of us with eyesight. I believe that for those of us with limited ability to purchase gifts during the Christmas season, we have been given an immeasurable gift - the ability to increase our senses of sight, sound, taste, and smell. And with this gift can come abundant joy as expectations lessen, hustle and bustle slows down, trips to the mall (for just one more thing) cease, and the peace of the real reason for the season begins to envelop and calm us.

For me, I look forward to putting on some Christmas music, watching the lights twinkle on our (free) Christmas tree, enjoying the decorations throughout the house that Rachel loves to put up every year, driving through the park to see the Christmas lights, taking pictures to post on Facebook (lol), hearing Ryan play Christmas music on his guitar and listening to Rachel as she learns to do the same, smelling and drinking up some Christmas wassail, and baking up as many goodies as the budget will allow this year.

I do enjoy gifts and, when monetary constraints lessen one of these years, you can be sure there will be more of them under our tree. But for now, my choices (sometimes difficult ones) are JOY in the midst of struggle, PEACE in the midst of turmoil, and an awareness of JESUS in the midst of it all, choosing my sense of touch to be satisfied by hugging and holding onto my family and friends.

If these things sound difficult to you, please know that you are not alone. They are difficult. Yet I pray that you are able to find JOY, with ALL of your senses, during this Christmas season.

Thursday Thankfulness

I started last week sharing something each Thursday in November for which I am thankful.

Today I am thankful for "the farm".

This is my brother's coffee mug and the front porch of my parents' house - "the farm".

When we moved to Oklahoma from Texas 7 years ago, we had no idea the road we were about to travel. We were excited, happy, even elated at the new life ahead of us. My husband had lost his long-time job in Texas but had gained one near my parents in Oklahoma. We were looking forward to building a wonderful new home on my parents' acreage and couldn't wait to be country folks after living in the city.

When my husband then lost the job in Oklahoma, the grief over the lost dream of my new home in the country was more devastating to me than the loss of his job. We have been living in town (in a very small house on an extremely busy road!) for the past 6 1/2 years now building a new business.

But the farm? It's still there.

We visit with my parents at their home weekly. Our kids have grown up taking walks with the dogs down the lanes and into the trees and hollers. They have spent many nights at Grandma and Grandpa's house over the weekends. Our daughter learned to ride her bike there. Our oldest son has built a deer blind and trails and cozy places to hide out, build a fire, and enjoy the solitude. Our boys both enjoy riding the four-wheelers and shooting skeet at Thanksgiving. We pick berries, grow a garden, and wonder each year if the frost is going to get the peaches on their peach tree.

This is my husband tilling the garden.

The farm is a solace in the midst  of a sometimes tumultuous life. We love it so much and are very thankful for the opportunity it affords us to be still, calm our spirits, and continue to dream our dreams.

This is my husband and me taking one of our weekly walks at the farm.

We're still dreaming of that new home.

This post linked to Heavenly Homemakers

My Health Journey - An Introduction

Since one of my primary passions at present is the state of my family's health, I will be spending a good part of my blog time talking about healthy living, specifically in the kitchen. I believe what we do for our families in our kitchen plays an enormous role in our family's overall health.

(See my Healthcare Reform tab for more insight into the way I think. Don't be frightened. I'm not a scary person.)

I have made slow changes over the past few years and - get this - I'VE KEPT A RECORD. (You may not know me well yet, but trust me when I say I make a list for EVERYTHING.) Today, I'll just summarize that list for you so you can see how easy it is to simply find a starting place and get moving, however slowly you may need or desire to go.

I will say right off the bat that not everyone will agree with my choices. I enjoy controversy (not really, but I do tend to do controversial things, so whatever), but I do not enjoy being confronted in an incredulous tone about my choices. So - be nice.

Here's my list:

- homemade granola and granola bars (to replace pre-packaged breakfast foods)

- fresh raw milk (from a friend's cow) (It's legal, friend-to-friend, in my state)

- fresh raw butter (friend's cow doesn't produce much cream, so when I am able to afford fresh butter from our food co-op, I go for it)

- raw cheese (from food co-op)

- fresh eggs (from another friend's chickens)

- local honey (straight from a local beekeeper)

- healthy oils (limited to olive oil and coconut oil)

- homemade chicken and beef bone stock (usually in bulk and frozen)

- homemade spaghetti sauce (usually in bulk and frozen)

- homegrown (organic) pecans

- homegrown (organic) peaches, pears, and sometimes apples (from family/friends' trees)

- wild blackberries growing on my parents' property (excited to find those last year!)

- homemade wheat bread (not exclusively at this point) (recently started buying freshly ground wheat from food co-op which is much better than buying it off the store shelf)

- aluminum-free baking powder

- homemade soups (no more cans)

- homemade dry mixes (no more packets)

- 100% fruit juice (no juice cocktails) (in limited amounts - don't buy juice often)

- Braggs vinegar (with the mother in it)

- fewer processed foods/boxed meals (pretty much non-existent at this point)

- Brita pitcher for our water

- natural peanut butter

- Real Salt (sea salt)

- brown or basmati rice (organic when possible)

- trying my hand at homemade vanilla (should be ready in January)

- aluminum-free/teflon-free cookware

- grass-fed beef (can't afford free-range chickens - boohoo)

- Spring/Summer vegetable garden (I can/freeze any excess)

- fewer processed meats with nitrates/nitrites

- dry beans cooked from scratch rather than purchased in cans (usually in bulk and frozen)

- fewer trips through the fast-food joints

- and a few other things, but this is getting long...

So what do you think? I know that some will think I'm a loon and others will think I am not doing enough. Actually, I'm just a mom and wife on a journey to do what seems best to me as I have researched and read and discussed these things with others who are more in-the-know than me.

Regarding the expense of eating a more healthy diet, I will say that much of it balances out. The more expensive meats and cheeses and organics are balanced out by less fast-food, less processed food, more homemade items, our vegetable garden and fruit trees, more beans and cheaper healthy fillers, and simply eating less of the expensive meats and other expensive foods. Our budget is very limited, so I just have to do what I can and not sweat the rest for now. Making myself anxious over not doing it all would adversely affect my health also and that's NOT what I'm going for! :o)

I will also say that none of the above are written in stone and sealed with blood. I'm an imperfect traveler down the road of healthy living and we fall off the wagon quite often. But I'm on a quest to improve my family's health and am very excited to learn more and more as we go!

I am looking forward to discussing time and expense factors, bulk cooking, food co-ops, why I have chosen the particular path that I have, etc. If you have a specific question, please ask it! I'll do my best to answer or direct you on a quest to find your own answers.

I hope you'll join me on my journey!

Thursday Thankfulness

Each Thursday in November I am going to post something I am thankful for in celebration of the Thanksgiving holiday. I would love for you to do the same!

Today I am thankful for the gift of rest in the midst of turmoil.

Up until a few years ago, I worried over everything. My husband told me that if I didn't have something to worry about, I'd make something up. And he was right. I had no peace. I did not know how to truly trust. I could not rest.

And then for some crazy reason about 8 years ago, I decided to make my Scripture goal - "I have learned to be content in whatever situation I find myself in" (my paraphrase).  Little did I know at the time that the Lord had that goal for me also. 

Shortly after that declaration of my new Scripture goal, my husband was laid off from his job of over 20 years. Stress! Maximum stress! Now 7 1/2 years and much turmoil later, I understand trust. And I know how to go to sleep at night and truly rest. Our struggles are not over. My husband has had to start over in a new career when many are beginning to count down the years to retirement. But we have lost our retirement savings and live day-to-day, not knowing what the next month's commissions are going to be or how the bills will be paid. There is a song that says He gives "just enough light for the step I'm on." That's where we are.

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My journal notes in December, 2003:

"I try so hard to lay it at the feet of Jesus, but fear gets the best of me.  I live in a constant state of fear these days...Why can't I trust??  Why can't I shake this fear that controls my life??  I'm so tired and weary.  It's taking too long...I know deep in my soul that the Lord is there and with us and will carry us through - is carrying us through.  But I'm just so tired."

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My journal notes a few months later in August, 2004:

"Thank You, Father, that I am reaching the point of thankfulness to You for Your teaching, for growing me deeper and deeper in Your love.  Thank You, Father, for being more concerned with my character than my comfort.  Thank You, Father, for taking my control from me.  Through this I've learned to hand control over to You.  Thank You, Father, for helping me to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself in ~ because You are there in the midst ~ in control.  Thank You, Father, for helping me see that I have never had reason to fear, for You have always been my Provider, my Peace, my Comforter, even when I've not been so sure of it.  Thank You, Father, because it's finally getting from my head to my heart.  This could not have happened without trials to the point of despair, without learning to give up control, without learning to be content no matter the circumstance, without learning, through trials, to rest in You.  It's all about You, Lord, it's all about You.

More of You, more of You.  I've had it all, but what I need is more of You.

We have lost all monetary crutches, and have gained ~ You!  We have no resources left to rely on ~ but we have You!  Our assets have been cut in half, and we are left with You!  You are truly all we need.  Your faithfulness endures forever!"

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How does one rest in the midst of difficult circumstances? I believe it it simply something that must be learned. (Remember my Scripture goal? I have learned to be content...) It is not something that can be conjured up or willed into existence through clenched teeth and fists. Our trials help us grow. I wouldn't trade the past few years for anything. What a wonderful thing to finally be able to trust my Heavenly Father and rest in Him.

(And FYI - I still have my moments!  Human!)

I hope this has not been too depressing as a Thanksgiving post! But I know that many are hurting during the holiday seasons each year and pray that the Lord will give His rest to each and every one. I would love to read your Thankfulness posts! Leave a comment and link to your blog if you have one.

Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  Deuteronomy 31:8

"Father I pray for my dear sisters who are fearful and distressed during this Thanksgiving season. Show them Your peace...and teach them Your rest. Amen"

This post linked to Heavenly Homemakers Gratituesday